Satisfaction

I am currently worried that I am growing too satisfied in my life. This is something that I never, ever wanted to achieve, for where then will be my drive to do anything? To work, to read or cook; where will be my will to create? Where will be my will to get up in the morning?

Ok, so I was never really capable of the latter, but the whole manic-depressant "woe is me" attitude added a much needed (and laughably pathetic) dash of pizzazz

Right now it's something I could really do without. Without this kind of willful drive, what want do I have to do well in anything? Y'know, there's A-levels in a month and all that, and without any kind of motivation then not only is there no point in me trying to do well, but satisfaction implies that I shouldn't even bother to show up. I may as well stay at home and sleep my life away.

But then, there are people who have said it is a bad thing to be disatisfied. Schopenhauer told us the will was infinite in its expanse, forever wanting and incapable of satisfaction, and that this was a sadly comic thing. But, it appears, this is how the world works. Look outside your window, turn on the TV and take a look at the rest of the planet. What are we driven by? Consumerism and disatisfaction. You're TV isn't a flatscreen, hi-def model with supplied 7.1 surround sound speakers? Well, you should go and earn more money and buy one, for you will be briefly satisfied. But then, when you get it, it doesn't feel as good as the want now, does it? So you change your focus of want.

Apparently, freedom from this is akin to ultimate knowledge and complete freedom. Consider that in this limited and confining world you are incapable of free will. At best you can pull of compatibilism (where you do have freedom of action, but the chances of you doing something you are incapable of or something out of character are pretty small), but never free will. Consider you are put in charge of infinite power and are capable of doing anything that you want, are you free now? No! You are still bound by your will! But what if you could escape your will? What if you were no longer bound by desire? You wouldn't be capable of doing anything that you want, you'd be capable of anything.

But what about Nietzsche? He tells us that the "Ultimate Man", the man who is complete in his capabilities and fulfilled, he is the worst kind of man to ever hope to become. The "Super Man", on the other hand was one of compassion and want and lust. He spoke thusly of the Super Man:

"Man is a rope stretched between the animal and the Superman- a rope over an abyss.
A dangerous crossing, a dangerous wayfaring, a dangerous looking-back, a dangerous trembling and halting.

What is great in man is that he is a bridge and not a goal: what is lovable in man is that he is an over-going and a down-going.

I love those that know not how to live except as down-goers, for they are the over-goers.
I love the great despisers, because they are the great adorers, and arrows of longing for the other shore.

I love those who do not first seek a reason beyond the stars for going down and being sacrifices, but sacrifice themselves to the earth, that the earth of the Superman may hereafter arrive.

I love him who liveth in order to know, and seeketh to know in order that the Superman may hereafter live. Thus seeketh he his own down-going.

I love him who laboureth and inventeth, that he may build the house for the Superman, and prepare for him earth, animal, and plant: for thus seeketh he his own down-going.

I love him who loveth his virtue: for virtue is the will to down-going, and an arrow of longing.
I love him who reserveth no share of spirit for himself, but wanteth to be wholly the spirit of his virtue: thus walketh he as spirit over the bridge.

I love him who maketh his virtue his inclination and destiny: thus, for the sake of his virtue, he is willing to live on, or live no more.

I love him who desireth not too many virtues. One virtue is more of a virtue than two, because it is more of a knot for one's destiny to cling to.

I love him whose soul is lavish, who wanteth no thanks and doth not give back: for he always bestoweth, and desireth not to keep for himself.

I love him who is ashamed when the dice fall in his favour, and who then asketh: "Am I a dishonest player?"- for he is willing to succumb.

I love him who scattereth golden words in advance of his deeds, and always doeth more than he promiseth: for he seeketh his own down-going.

I love him who justifieth the future ones, and redeemeth the past ones: for he is willing to succumb through the present ones.

I love him who chasteneth his God, because he loveth his God: for he must succumb through the wrath of his God.

I love him whose soul is deep even in the wounding, and may succumb through a small matter: thus goeth he willingly over the bridge.

I love him whose soul is so overfull that he forgetteth himself, and all things are in him: thus all things become his down-going.

I love him who is of a free spirit and a free heart: thus is his head only the bowels of his heart; his heart, however, causeth his down-going.

I love all who are like heavy drops falling one by one out of the dark cloud that lowereth over man: they herald the coming of the lightning, and succumb as heralds.

Lo, I am a herald of the lightning, and a heavy drop out of the cloud: the lightning, however, is the Superman."

-- from http://philosophy.eserver.org/nietzsche-zarathustra.txt

And what of the Ultimate Man? He says, simply, "Weariness, which seeketh to get to the ultimate with one leap, with a death-leap; a poor ignorant weariness, unwilling even to will any longer..."


So... What is it that I'd rather be?